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Once, you were a crawling baby. You crawled here, and you crawled there until…boop, your head hit the wall. A magical thing happened there. Your body and mind collaborated and created a guardian post where your head got hurt. Mission - Don't let this smooth white thing hit you again. Strategy - Watch where you crawl. Position - Head. And there he stood guard, watching.

Then you grew up, and you spoke up to yourself in class. Your teacher had a whole class distracting her. Finally, she snapped at you, shutting you up. New guard. Mission - Don't speak up. Strategy - Keep it inside. Position - Shoulders.

"Oh…" years later, you find out, "my shoulders are so tense, what's up with that?" It might come up as, "Omg, I can't believe I didn't speak up to myself again. What's wrong with me?!" Or, "I'm so weak, Jesus. Again I let them do what they want with me."

We tend to curse our guards, kicking them out of the kingdom only to see how faithfully they return to their post, guarding us again. This guard is holding a position that is no longer beneficial. Not only is its position irrelevant by now, but it's harming you.

So first, thank your guards. Honor them, even give them a medal. They kept you safe. Then, you can reassign. Mission - Speak up. When the time is right. Strategy - Feel your shoulders are tensing. It means you need to speak up, watch for the right moment, and go in for the kill. Position - Shoulders.

Harmony is back to the kingdom. Honor & Reassign.

*In the picture - Enjoying themselves with the necessary guards having their backs.

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Love is strange. It comes unexpected and makes the world a much prettier place than it ought to be. A fireplace of feelings and harmony from another person is warming you like a hearth within. There never was and never will be another moment as meaningful as this one.

Love tells you everything that's happening is right even when every rational thought would say otherwise. Love doesn't care about the future, just here, now, together.

But the reality is always on your mind; life goals, boundaries, wishes, and your future. Sadly, more often than not, they can't align with Love. The more you think about it, the harder it is to join reality and Love together. And although Love is unreal in its intensity, you know it's not the only thing that matters. So what do you do? Wait? Grip it without letting go? Do you release? Can you BE with it?

You are driving on Love's foggy road. The most vulnerable you could ever be, and don't even know if there will be a turn, if the road would cease to be, or if another car will hit you. Can you keep on driving? How is it different than any other thing in life? It's all foggy anyway!

Today I chose reality. This foggy road is more dangerous than what I can handle right now. And after all, you've got to set your boundaries straight.

Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to choose Love.

*In the picture - doing Yoga together

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Throughout life, I saw how often the world reacted differently than I expected.

Countless times a conversation that I was rehearsing in my mind for days would go to an unwanted course. Every typical day could become a surprise. I couldn't possibly understand that. But now I understand.

This gap between expectation to reality is what moves stories along. In a good story, the world never reacts as the character expects.

When this gap opens, we enter a state of anxiety. We have encountered an obstacle on our way to our desired goal. We're freezing, fighting, or flighting, spending an enormous amount of energy because EVERYTHING is relevant. Then one of two things happen; either we find a more drastic action to do that would get us to our objective, or we give up on our goal altogether. The beauty in story characters is that they NEVER give up.

Initially, I thought something was wrong when this gap opened so frequently. As the years passed, though, I noticed a peculiar thing happening to my behavior. Because I've become so used to my anxiety gap, I've shortened it. Now, when I come across an unknown, it's easier for me to understand what happened and change my life course accordingly. I make decisions fast.

That's how I handle polyamory, that's how I took Corona times, and that's how I manage my everyday life.

In short, we all have anxiety; It's our reaction to chaos. The question is, how long will you keep yourself in the overwhelming feeling of indecisive action when it comes.

Of course, I still give up at times. But my daily fight with resistance is another story

Anyway, I find it fascinating, and maybe you have some more insight. So how do you handle your life gaps?

*In the picture - a gap opening up.


The Dance of Life and Death is 140 pages long! I'm going to structure it better in the next couple of months, which would stop me from writing. Then it would be much easier to write, and more importantly, it'll be a better story.

'Till next time

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